frutti.gummi

It's been almost two weeks since my last post. I didn't feel like writing. I was too distracted reading conversations on Twitter. And I did find some interesting links and blogs. Following one link to another and another is really never ending!

Anyway, I was thinking that perhaps the real reason why I didn't feel like writing is I couldn't decide what to write. I need to find a topic or theme that I enjoy writing about. Maybe travel stories? I know it kinda sounds like I'm forcing myself to write but I really need to practice writing. Why? Because I realized that it has become something that I don't like to do. I don't know when it started but I want to be able to enjoy writing again. I want it to be something that I can do effortlessly again. And I'm currently in the stage where I'm trying to do things out of my comfort zone.

I do know what I'm NOT going to write about. Work. And I do find it quite hard to resist. 

I hate this feeling.

Want someone to hold me.
Want someone to hug me.
Want someone to pamper me.

But you just couldn't be here.

As I have guessed, most of my carbon footprint is from transportation. I was hoping that my recycling and water and energy saving activities would be able to offset a substantial amount of it. Apparently not. Sigh!

I drive to work 5 days a week, doing about 25km per day. That will be about 3.75 kg of CO₂ a day, for a car with CO₂ emissions of 150g per km. (You can find your car emission rate here.) If I drive 10,000 km a year (a very modest figure), there'll be 1500kg of CO₂ a year! Besides driving, I also take flights when I go on vacation. Just one intercontinental flight would emit about the same amount of CO₂ as driving ten thousand kilometers in my car!

So, I started thinking if it would be better if I work from home instead of driving to work. I have to turn on the a/c for about 8 hours and that would be about 8kWh. With the cost of electricity at about 420g of CO₂ per kWh, that will be 3.36kg of CO₂ a day. (Source: Power sources & Carbon Emissions)

So, 3.75kg of CO₂ from driving and 3.36kg from a/c. The difference is less than half a kg. I guess working from home is not a very feasible option. Well, I'm already doing my best here. I don't want to be a vegetarian and live like a hermit.

When I met up with friends whom I haven't seen for a long time, the usual questions I get from most one of them are:

• Why did you come back and work here/Why don't you stay there?
• Am I getting used to living in Malaysia?
• Am I'm back for good?

And my short answers are; This is home, it's ok/not bad, and for now, yes. Even the long answers could be summarized as such. But I haven't considered how I feel. Am I happy? Excited? Disappointed? Frustrated?

It's been a hundred days since I started my "new" life. I'm back to being a responsible adult, going back into the workforce, and contribute to the country's economy. I also started to participate strongly in family matters. On the surface, everything seems like how it used to be. The going to work, going home, going out routine has made the transition easier, due to familiarity.

When I 'look' closely, I noticed all the little details that are different. I work for the same company, but about half of my colleagues are new to me, and I have different job responsibilities. Well, even the office is located at a different place now. I actually quite like this mix of something familiar with something new. I guess I'm pretty much exhausted from all the completely new experiences that I got in the past few years.

I'm also glad that I now play a larger role in my family. I feel less helpless now that I can physically be around for them. I spend a lot more time with them and there's more communication going on. So far so good but still a long way to become one of reasons for me to stay put.

I'm not exactly used to living back in Malaysia yet. I hate the hot weather but I can tolerate it better now. I have to consciously remember not to fill my cup with water from the tap. I feel displeased when I see people who carry lots of plastic bags and when I come across trash that's filled with recyclable stuff in it. Anyway, all these do not annoy me enough for me to consider moving away.

I'm currently open to the possibility that I would stay in Malaysia for the long term and I've finally discovered one thing that I would stick around for. However, I still have no idea whether I would be able to obtain it.

These first hundred days have mostly been about adapting to living with family, living in Malaysia, and holding down a job. I think I have fared pretty well so far. Next, it's time to think about what I want to do with my life.

I have been going to bed late almost every night, for the past two weeks. To me, after 1am is late, especially on weekdays. I ended up waking up late and feeling tired. I know I could have gone to bed earlier as I wasn't busy with work and I wasn't even out most of the time. Somehow, I just spent the time at home and by the time I looked at the clock, it was past midnight. Still had to take a shower before going to bed. Tonight, I shall break this routine and go to bed before midnight. I just hope I could fall asleep soon.

After three years of being away from work, my savings is gone. When I decided to go back to school, it never occurred to me that this could happen. I thought that since everything is paid for, I didn't need to use any money. Well, that held true when I was abroad. However, I forgot that I still had ongoing expenses in Malaysia. I've spent the bulk of my savings paying off my car loan, giving money to my parents and buying Europe-Malaysia round trip air tickets. Just the air tickets alone had cost me about 15k!

When I moved back to Malaysia, I was aware that I didn't have much money left. In spite of this knowledge, I still chose to start work in January instead of December. I thought it was enough to sustain me for another month but I forgot to take into account that I need to use money when I go to work (lunch money, toll and gas) and I'd only be paid at the end of the month. Lol, it's amazing how quickly I forgot about these things just after a few years of using almost free public transportation and cooking my own lunch. Anyway, I managed to survive the first month without incurring any debt and was overjoyed when I received my "first" paycheck! :D

Now, after two paychecks, I have a bit more savings and feel more secure. Also feel more comfortable going out and spending a bit more on food. For the past two months, I wasn't very keen on spending more than 10 bucks for lunch and I went home for dinner most of the time. I'm also not in a shopping mode and I think it's mostly because I'm still a bit averse to crowds. So instead of having much social life, I've finished reading 3-4 books and still catching up on quite a few episodes of some tv series that I was watching.

The plan is to stay debt-free, keep expenses low and grow savings as much as possible this year. Hopefully will be able to amass at least 50% of what I had.

"Where are you from?" I have been asked this question almost everytime when I meet new people in Europe. This almost never happened in the States. After they know where I'm from, they're usually interested to know more about the country and its people. And this is a problem for me. When they asked what language I speak at home, I said "English". Then they would want to know what is the national/official language and I said "Malay" and they assumed I also speak it. But due to my hesitation, they weren't so sure about it. Friends who have seen two non-Malay Malaysians in conversation were puzzled as to why it was carried out in English and not Malay. So they asked "When do you use Malay then?" In terms of entertainment, I know we have some local shows and music scenes but I can't name them because I only know the imported ones. And traditional dance? I don't remember! I did it in primary school and haven't seen one in ages. Oh it's funny when it comes to names. Why do I have an American/English name? What's a typical Malaysian name? I don't know how to answer. At least in terms of food, I've managed to give satisfactory description from the eating experience (very interesting) I gained while working in Malaysia for 3+ years. I thought I became more Malaysian but now I'm not so sure. Anyhow, at least not so American anymore.

This has been in the back of my head for a while. I wonder why when someone meet another person from his/her country, somehow they can get along. It's like they have something that binds them together. Same culture probably. However, I find that it's not as easy among Malaysians. Or maybe it's just me being not so Malaysian. Actually, how do you define being a Malaysian? Just by being a citizen or PR? What makes a Malaysian different from others?

I've only skied 1-2 times before and after I got home from skiing last night, I realised that the last time I went skiing was in the winter of 99/00. And it's 2008 now! How did time go by so quickly? Anyway, the view up there is just magnificent. We took a cable car up to the 'base' where there are restaurant, playground, a small slope for true beginners, plenty of space for sunbathing (bring your own chair) and ski lifts to the ski tracks. I started with the small slope and I felt that I was going very fast and ended up quite far away from the automatic ramp and takes people back up the slope. Then it was a challenge for me to ski/trudge back there since the ground is pretty much flat.

When I finally got back up the slope, I met my friend who somehow managed to convince me to try the blue track (beginner). At first it seems doable and I was fine. As I was skiing down and at one point, a section of the path was not visible because the slope is steep. I got scared and fell. Took some time to get up and continue skiing down as there is no other option. This time, I felt that I was going too fast and wouldn't be able to stop and then hit the trees at the end. I got scared and fell again and slided the rest of the way down. Hahaha! Took the chair lift back up and I just stuck to skiing in the little baby slope, learning how to turn.

By the end of the day, I got better at moving in flat surfaces and uphill. I got a gist of turning but still wasn't able to do consecutive turning. AlsoI think got better at controlling my speed when skiing down. We had a great time and hopefully I get to go back again before I move to Germany. Both my upper arms are so sore this morning!

From Skiing in the Dolomites

Haven't been feeling too well lately. Although I can still go about with my daily life, I feel like I needed more energy to perform them. I think I'm going to fall sick soon since it's been almost a year since I was ill. Feeling half sick is worse than being sick itself coz I can't take medication or sleep for long. Not having internet at home also means that I have to come to school to check my emails and get my dose of entertainment. I tried to download some videos to watch at home but wasn't able to because someone else had already downloaded a huge file from those megaupload, rapidshare, etc sites. (same IP since everyone have to use proxy). Sigh! I finally went to the library to borrow a book to read instead. Anyway, I showed my project to the professor and he suggested a few enchancements which are quite simple to implement. I should be able to finish them tonight and showed it to him again tomorrow. Next, I have to start planning how to move back to Germany end of the month.

I've been having trouble sleeping early since the beginning of this year. I could only fall asleep past 3am. Even on the days which I had to wake up super early, I still wasn't able to sleep early at night. Maybe it's because I took 1-2 hours nap in between. Anyway, waking up at around 11 would normally mean skipping breakfast and just have lunch at noon. Yesterday, I had a light breakfast and wasn't hungry until almost 4pm. So I decided to make one meal, slightly bigger portion, for both lunch and dinner. I did the same today and it works out pretty well since I snack when I study for exams. Having to cook twice a day, I'm running out of ideas of what to cook anymore. Also, I didn't want to stock up food since I'll be going on vacation this weekend for 5 days. Still, I'd like to return to my normal bedtime.

I haven't look at any course projects related materials since I finished Math Logic exam last Friday evening. Been telling myself that it's Christmas and I should take a break and enjoy. I spent most of the time watching the taiwanese drama series. I've finally caught up to the latest episode today so will have to wait another week for the next episode. I think my mandarin listening skills have improved a little. Hehe. I've also got Prison Break season 1 and 2 on my external hdd and hopefully I'll be able to hold off watching them at least until after new years since I'd really like to get some work done before then.

Walked around the neighborhood yesterday to see the 'presipi' (Nativity Scene). It's usually a setting with mountains that has a path leading to the stable. The stable has Jesus, Joseph, Mary, the ox, donkey , shepherds and sheeps. Some of these displays are placed indoor visible through the window and some are placed outdoor sometimes behind the fence. These display are made out of various materials like wood, paper, yarn, playdoh, computer parts, etc.



For dinner, was invited to a small Turkish party. Was introduced to sujuk which is similar to spam except that it's halal and also spiced. And of course, the turkish tea boiled from the traditional pot is just delicious. :) Makes me feel like visiting Turkey again.

Stumbled upon this taiwanese drama while searching for something to watch since all the english series are on a break. Started watching a few episodes with english subs and then found out that the english subs are not available yet for the rest of the episodes. Decided to try watching an episode without subs and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I could follow the story pretty well. But when they started describing the food and other things in detail, I could only get a gist of it. And sometimes when they say some short expression, I can only guess from the body language. Perhaps I could improve my mandarin by watching more drama. Haha!

Haven't been sleeping well for almost a week now. Difficult to fall asleep at night even when it's already past midnight. And woke up before 7 the next morning. When I woke up, I knew I was dreaming of something weird. A good night's sleep for me is when I don't remember anything during my sleep. I did try to sleep longer during the weekend but I didn't get extra sleep, just ended up being lazy in bed.

I normally would have difficulties getting out of bed on Monday mornings but this Monday, I got up before my alarm rang and I went to school. When I opened the door to the lecture room, I saw another lecture was going on and I remembered that my class is after this one. Only then I realised that my lecture starts at 10:30 not 9! This afternoon, my friend was asking me if I'll be attending the lecture in the evening. I said yes and when I checked the time, I thought I was already late for that lecture since I need some time to get to school from home. Then I thought, I normally have some time after lunch before that lecture. So I confirmed with my friend and it turned out that the lecture is an hour later. Phew!

Hopefully I can get some good sleep tonight.

When I received yet another wedding invitation yesterday, it struck me that the wedding season has begun. This time, it'll probably last through the next year since 2008 is supposedly a good year for marriage. Since I'm away from home, I could only send well wishes to the couples. There are some friends who I have not seen for many years and it would be really nice to be able to meet them again. Hopefully not all of them will get married in the next year or so. Then, I'll be able to attend their wedding. Hehehe. As for myself, I think made some progress in answering the question of "When are you getting married?" I have unconsciously changed my answer from "I don't know" to "Not anytime soon". I was rather surprised myself when I heard what I said. I guess that's quite a big step for me.

Now that the exam is over, I don't feel like studying or working on projects. So, what do I do? Since I've been watching lots of movies online, now there's not much to choose from. I also go around petting people's fluff friends on facebook. I don't feel like starting to read a book since I won't be able to finish it by the next week when the next exam comes. Still, it's too early to be studying for that exam now. I still daydream a lot but I just realised that I rarely do it at night. Is that why it's called daydream? We're getting a lot lesser daylight now. It's already dark at 5pm.

Haven't been cooking much lately since I have another exam next week. I need to munch on something while studying or I'll fall asleep. Since I eat while I study, I've decided to replace dinner with the stuff that I munch during the night. Getting energy source from lots of fat and sugar. I guess I'm also thinking that it's not so bad since I already have one proper meal in mensa during lunch. Plus, a full meal from mensa is very filling so having fruits or yogurt is usually enough for dinner.

(Un)Healthy food ranking from good to worse?
Roasted nuts (overdose = too much fat or issit carbs?)
Raisins (overdose = too much sugar?)
Gummi bears
Potato chips

Since I came back after the summer, the apartment only has one frying pan left. My flatmates took theirs back when they left. Stuck with a really lousy, sticky pan, I was contemplating whether to buy myself a new one. Then I got news that everyone in the building might be moved to the new apartments on the south side. So I thought there's no point buying one when I'll get getting a new one in the new apartment. Earlier this week, my new flatmate broke the pan while she was washing it. The handle came off and there's a tiny hole in the pan where the handle used to be attached to. The hole makes it impossible to re-attach the handle. Anyway, I finally submitted a fault report after my exam yesterday and this morning, 2 guys showed up with a brand new pan! I can't believe the efficiency of the system. This is Italy after all. I'm going to ask my flatmate if she submitted a report earlier. The new, bigger 28" non-stick pan is great. I can make fried rice again without having all the rice sticking to the pan and I don't need to use as much oil. Way to healthier eating. Hehe.

The new season of those tv series I'm follwing have finally arrived. The premiere of Heroes was not as exciting as I had anticpated. House M.D was just ok. Desperate Housewives will air this weekend. Hopefully it'll be interesting. Thursdays are still my anime day. Thought of watching new series but kinda lazy to filter out those that I might like. Any recommendations?

It's nice to be able to meet up with friends again. There are a few whom I haven't seen for 10 years! So so much has happened in our lives. After meeting several groups, I noticed that the popular topics with the girls are marriage and babies while with the guys is mostly about career and money. I had a good time meeting everyone and I got to know valuable info during our conversations. I got an insight into the >5 years 'project' plan towards marriage. Truly an eye opener for me. Hehe. I now understand why the guys are worried about money because they are expected to be the main contributor in a marriage. I also realised a few big benefits from entering into a long term committed relationship. Given that your partner is as least as capable as yourself, having each other makes it much easier for both to achieve personal and professional goals.